Into The Sunset is a photo-forward memoir drawn from years on the road in the music industry, woven through journals, emails, photographs, love, betrayal, motherhood, grief, and the search for meaning after loss.

Into The Sunset

Beat by Beat. Life. Time. The choreographed avenues of our making and doing. Choices that unfold unknowingly. The unexpected and our reaction. The desire for love and wisdom. 

The human experience. 

In this memoir, I share a perspective from the road as a photographer in the world of music and a human in the world of life. 

The crash between the conscious, unconscious and the unraveling of my experience.

A love affair with the intangible chased through the setting sun unfolds in an email dialog while weaving through raw and revealing journal entries.

Living backwards in time isn’t an option but looking back fearlessly, loving and expanding is. 

Raw visual fragments from Into The Sunset

The Crash & The Climb Out

“NYC

A quiet walk through the lower East side with Z.

Thanksgiving dinner he kept is leather jacket on, didn’t say much, didn’t eat and didn’t look good.

He’s not talking. A repeat from the summer.

Huge anxiety. I feel it. Drugs? Depression? Questions?

Heroin... FUCKING heroin.

OMG! I am such a fucking idiot! I thought he was depressed and needed inspiration.

Be strong. You have to be strong.

Santa Fe

I need to fucking think.

Malibu

Hit the ground running, reaching and hurting.

Z is in rehab and sworn me off for life. I am entirely powerless and crushed.

I just need to keep going. Work the final frontier and what I can do for Z right now.

Decided to take the leap into building a creative department in X’s management company.

Yes, with the person that loves me to hate me, supports me to destroy me, manipulates me to lie to me and is becoming more jealous with every minute she can’t control me.

I am now in warrior survival mode. I will take the hits that I have to and walk with faith and hope.”

Ten Years Gone

“Vegas

Mandalay Bay, last night of the tour, last night shooting this band, last night the band will be together.

Five years straight.

Sat with an artist on a quiet bus after the show.

His heart hurt. Tears.

It’s time for a drink or two…

Vegas, OMG!

Asheville

A stop at The Farm to regroup, reflect and dream.

A walk in time. Fear. Desire. Purpose.

Why is it so hard to meet myself where I am?

I choose the impossible so it’s impossible.

Love & work; an external distraction from myself. A hand off of my power.

To love and respect myself.

I want to find that.

Need to spend time with Z.

Need to spend time with my Dad.

Need to spend time with my Soul.

Time?”

A Walk Through The Park

“Vegas — Rehearsals

And, it begins.

TOLEDO YOUNGSTOWN NIAGRA PIKEVILLE LOUISVILLE THACKERVILLE VIRGINIA BEACH CHARLOTTE RALEIGH MEMPHIS

NYC

A walk through the park with Z.

The Met. Paintings… Art. Cigarettes.

A walk back through the park.

Something feels off.

On The Road

Where are you? How are you? C

Just left Chicago. Heading to the middle of nowhere. Tour wraps the beginning of September. Tired. V

Let’s talk soon. I miss you. C

‘And from that moment onwards I bathed in the Verse

Of the Sea, infused with stars and lactescent ink,

Ravaging green azures, where, pallid and submersed,

A delighted, drowned dreamer sometimes may sink”

Old Truck

“Hollywood

Light beaming through antique arched windows, vintage furniture, wood beams and chandeliers.

A conversation with Z about possibilities, dreams, study, the world and life.

Los Angeles

A day doing interviews for the documentary about loss, hope and change.

New Mexico

Shooting b roll with my crew for the documentary. A sweet old truck ended our day.

Santa Monica—Editing Room

Arrogant boots hitting the wood floor making sure power echoes through the room.

Screening the rough cut for management including X.

An hour later a pin could echo power in a rare moment of humility.

“I should have been there for you more. A long hesitation, oh, and by the way, I spoke to the band. They have changed their minds and do want you to come out.”

How deep does it go?

Arrogant boots were quiet on the way out.

Still have a job but to what end?

Why do I keep doing this?”

Love Is An Action

“Vegas Office, Editing

X left this morning. Feels like she’s wrestling to tell me something. I’m guessing it doesn’t involve virtue.

Love?

Where innocence is cracked walls are built.

Feeling pressure, change and the impact of the unexpected.

Indiana Benefit Concert

Actions… the great truth provider. 

Beyond words and promises, one will know who their fellow warriors are by those left standing in moments that require sacrifice. Even if, one finds themselves standing alone.

“Flight attendants, prepare for take-off.” The Captain

Eyes close.

Hollywood

Spent the remainder of the evening at the Chateau with Z. 

Played piano in the room. The only true deep soul I know.”

Perspective Shift

“Guatemala City

A quick detour from the road.

Shooting for a non profit and an artist making it possible.

Perspective shift…

NYC

Where are you? I miss you. C

Another airport… On my way to Indiana. I miss you too. V…

Indiana

A moment that went tragically wrong.

In seconds, right before the show, we all lost and we all changed…

Albuquerque, NM…”

East of Omaha

“The Road

Thinking about integrity.

Being on the road continues to reveal a person I didn’t see. 

We are trying to be friends. Though, bad habits don’t die with a title change.

… Everette Billings Charleston West Virginia Roanoke Rapids  Scranton  Augusta Choctaw Thackerville Calgary Craven County Paso Robles  San Diego  Los Angeles  Detroit Lakes  Omaha Kansas City Albuquerque Denver Salt Lake Sacramento  Mt View Las Vegas Allentown Syracuse”

I Need a Fucking Shower

So many faces. So many words.

I get it. It’s cool to be part of the circus that shows up and plays songs for the crowd.

The experience. The share.

Telling stories for the machine.

Venues.

So many cinder blocks always painted gray or dirty white.

I need a fucking shower.

Well, and a break from my failing partnership and the seriously mean tour manager who works with her.

Thank God the travel agent is cool.

...

Does anyone really care?

Or, are we all just polite and sometimes not even that.

Glad you’re here.

Have a cigar.

This is Going to Fucking Blow Up

Ten days in the UK and Ireland.

As the tension begins in the world of bands and touring, she says… he listens. The other she says not. He doesn’t listen. The first she jabs and twists. The other she believes it.

This is going to fucking blow up.

The divide begins and I hear it all. The red carpet, if you will, of being a fly on the wall.

As a band rises, the desperate side of human nature holds on for the ride, taking no prisoners and abolishing anyone in the way.

What am I doing?

The Farm

Atlanta, GA

In the studio. Filming.

I can’t believe this year has already started. 

I don’t even remember the last one ending.

NYC

A day off with my crew. 

Decided to shoot a music video in the park. 

Think I’m going to go to The Farm

The Farm

A small place I bought for us to be close to my parents and as a refuge in the Smoky Mountains.

Prop planes and camera gear.

Should Have Stayed in Santa Fe

Santa Fe, NM

Where it ended and began or more clearly where it began and ended. Innocence.

My more innocent self trusted temptation and all the charms that mystify on behalf of the manipulative.

This is where I met my partner and now “X”.

I fear that the more simple me is slipping away given slave to my strength instead of wings.

IN IT

Where are you? C

Hi! Back in New York for a minute. V

It’s been a while. How are you? C

Surviving...

Almost done with the tour.

Looking forward to a break.

How are you? V

Surviving... ;) C

Love & Time

How I don’t want to be small about love. Soul friend, I miss you! V